Now Spring Break Actually Starts

finally i am free..... of choir and anything else to do with school. i am now able to sleep in till whatever time i feel like and i won't have to talk to anyone. its such a relief. but i am kinda sad because all of my friends are on vacation still so i have no one to go out with. isn't that a bummer??? i am homebound for 4 days straight morning evening and night. but i am full of joy and laughter.

Deep, Deep, Deep, Deep Confusion and Frustration

i am in deep deep deep deep confusion and frustration about life. my life to be exact. and i don't know how to solve them problems that have been stuck in my mind the last few days. i feel like my life is a competition with other people. its like i am not good enough to do anything. i will not be chosen based on how i act, think etc. its the bad qualities that are looked at. i also feel that i am looked at differently then others around me and that the people i think are my friends show me they are not friends to me. just people that i talk to. they show no emotion towards me. i am just an OUTSIDER and am not included. why does this always happen to ME and not anyone else. am i really not good enough or is it that i am not a person people are able to connect to right away. i don't like being ignored or left out. i wish they would make me feel apart of their group but they chose to look past that and they don't realize the consequences that i may feel. hopefully this will turn around but everyday it becomes clearer that this is the way it will alwayds be...... until i graduate.....

Monday

my life is over. I am stuck picking courses for next year. I can't decide which courses to take. chem or Lit. it or family management. I also don't think I am ready for gr.12 to come yet. i am freaking out and I don't think I will be able to get through the next few days. I also want a spare to T. A. for a teahcre and I have one in mind but I am getting the feeling that i won't get to T.A. for the teacher I want. I think I have some competition. Thats not good. if not I have siome backup teachers that I may ask.
after me freaking out about course selections I went to choir and she totally flipped out at us about our rehersal on friday. I had to write about what I did. of course I was late for choir so I even had to explain that again but i wasn't texting, or sitting or any of that. and I think I am a little tired of her and I want him to come back asap.... hopefully tommorow we will have him again so that I can have a few days break from her. but stuck with her on monday.

Friday's

how do I begin to describe how i feel about fridays. its the one day of the week when i just want to leave school early and go home. but choir is stopping me from doing that sometimes and i thought I was going to explose yesterday. I don't think any of us girls wanted to be there yesterday and it was kind of boring . I do know that he wanted us to fully know the song but all she kept doing was repeating the same lines over and over and over. I know she thinks its going to help us which it might but she kept repeating for an hour and a half. thats OVERLOAD...... hopefully next week will be better. I think it will.

Horoscope

Today my horoscope read: You might be carrying a torch and not even know it. A friendship might be developing into something more intimate.
This is scaring me have to death. My friends are telling me its a sign but I dont want it to be. I mean he is only a freind thats a boy not a "Boyfriend". They just don't seem to get that one little fact. I really would like them to believe me. I admit that I do talk about him a lot but thats only because we are really good friends, swimming ro no swimming. I hope to have my friends believe me and stop trying to make this a big deal but its not. Please no this all those who are reading this. I still want your advice but I also want to know that you are on my side.

my days was so relaxing... all I did in two classes(Chem and Art) was absolutly nothing. It was so relaxing until I had choir. I thought my legs were going to give out by the end of rehersal but thankfully they lasted. I was also getting annoyed because we kept repeating the same songs and it was getting very repetative. But i think we need to in order to memorize they words and notes and be ready when A comes back on monday.