My Head is Going to Explode!!!

So, i haven't written in a while so i am going to write today. I attended Youth Day 2009 this year and it was amazing. I can't even believe that I only decieded to go this year. It was an amazing day and a half and I am going to go back next year as a participant and maybe the year after as a volunteer. We ate, sang, talked, prayed and went to mass. It was a greta experience, but I wish that I hadgone with different people. People that I am more close to because I felt out of place with the people I went with.
Yetserday at school, we had choir with Ms. Wilks. It was terrible. I thought I was going to kill myself. She was screaming at us and the grade 12's in the alto scetion were like be quiet, be quiet. It is really annoying and its getting on my nerves. I really just want to scream at them an tell them to shut up. They do it every class and I know that they are doing it for the good of the choir but its just getting annoying. So, I think they neeed to keep their cool. I also wnat A to come back and take me out of this missery that I am in. Just to add some more annoyance on my life and this situation A is not even here today so we could have Ms. Wilks after school which I am not looking forward to.
I have so much homework to do. I have an English project that I haven't started on and its due next week. I have to read this elections book for my job next tuesday and I also have to make sure I know all ym music for choir plus swimming everyday of the week. So, I think I have a pretty busy life.

Walking on the Green Grass (MINNESOTA)

i haven't written in a long time but i figure since the choir from minnesota was here i should write about my experience. it was an awsome one. i met so many nice girls especially at my dinner table. Taylor, Ivy, Marian and Acadia. they are all great people. i also got the chance to hear Marcus play the guitar and sing and he was amazing. (i have it on my camera and will put it on facebook.) i found it interesting to hear what they had to say about our very small school and our even smaller "CHOIR PORTABLE". they were amazed at how we fit 110 people in there. i also though it was sweet that they left us a message on the social board in 105. i really think they did appreciate all we had done for them and i also thinkg we gave them the "chicago experience" in vancouver. when we got to the church and i heard them sing, i couldn't believe how good they were and how much power and strength they have.
Only after A. saying that it was the first time we (the concert choir of 2008-2009 school year) had sung, did i relaize how nervous and scared the grade 10's must have been. but i have to say i think we did an awsome job. we did have a little bit of blips along the way but we really deliver and impressed everyone. when i was downstairs in the parish hall after the concert all the duluth choir members could say to me was "your chpoir was amazing or your choir did really well tonight." but i was telling them they did a really good job and i felt like i was repeating myself over again. overall i thought it was an excellent debut performance for our senior concert choir.
i can't wait for tour. its in 1 week and 2 days. its fast approching and yet i have not started to pack nor do i know anything about it. i am actually starting to get a little worried. but i know that we will find some information out soon. i am also not prepared academic wise to leave but i am going to anyways. i am looking forward to making a lot more memories on this tour and making it something that not only us(the grade 11's) but everyone will remeber for the rest of their lives.

Now Spring Break Actually Starts

finally i am free..... of choir and anything else to do with school. i am now able to sleep in till whatever time i feel like and i won't have to talk to anyone. its such a relief. but i am kinda sad because all of my friends are on vacation still so i have no one to go out with. isn't that a bummer??? i am homebound for 4 days straight morning evening and night. but i am full of joy and laughter.

Deep, Deep, Deep, Deep Confusion and Frustration

i am in deep deep deep deep confusion and frustration about life. my life to be exact. and i don't know how to solve them problems that have been stuck in my mind the last few days. i feel like my life is a competition with other people. its like i am not good enough to do anything. i will not be chosen based on how i act, think etc. its the bad qualities that are looked at. i also feel that i am looked at differently then others around me and that the people i think are my friends show me they are not friends to me. just people that i talk to. they show no emotion towards me. i am just an OUTSIDER and am not included. why does this always happen to ME and not anyone else. am i really not good enough or is it that i am not a person people are able to connect to right away. i don't like being ignored or left out. i wish they would make me feel apart of their group but they chose to look past that and they don't realize the consequences that i may feel. hopefully this will turn around but everyday it becomes clearer that this is the way it will alwayds be...... until i graduate.....

Monday

my life is over. I am stuck picking courses for next year. I can't decide which courses to take. chem or Lit. it or family management. I also don't think I am ready for gr.12 to come yet. i am freaking out and I don't think I will be able to get through the next few days. I also want a spare to T. A. for a teahcre and I have one in mind but I am getting the feeling that i won't get to T.A. for the teacher I want. I think I have some competition. Thats not good. if not I have siome backup teachers that I may ask.
after me freaking out about course selections I went to choir and she totally flipped out at us about our rehersal on friday. I had to write about what I did. of course I was late for choir so I even had to explain that again but i wasn't texting, or sitting or any of that. and I think I am a little tired of her and I want him to come back asap.... hopefully tommorow we will have him again so that I can have a few days break from her. but stuck with her on monday.

Friday's

how do I begin to describe how i feel about fridays. its the one day of the week when i just want to leave school early and go home. but choir is stopping me from doing that sometimes and i thought I was going to explose yesterday. I don't think any of us girls wanted to be there yesterday and it was kind of boring . I do know that he wanted us to fully know the song but all she kept doing was repeating the same lines over and over and over. I know she thinks its going to help us which it might but she kept repeating for an hour and a half. thats OVERLOAD...... hopefully next week will be better. I think it will.

Horoscope

Today my horoscope read: You might be carrying a torch and not even know it. A friendship might be developing into something more intimate.
This is scaring me have to death. My friends are telling me its a sign but I dont want it to be. I mean he is only a freind thats a boy not a "Boyfriend". They just don't seem to get that one little fact. I really would like them to believe me. I admit that I do talk about him a lot but thats only because we are really good friends, swimming ro no swimming. I hope to have my friends believe me and stop trying to make this a big deal but its not. Please no this all those who are reading this. I still want your advice but I also want to know that you are on my side.